A Controversial (Perhaps) Subject

I have been putting off this posting for a while, knowing that it was one that I really wanted to write, but it  certainly isn't in the vein of most of the posts that I usually do.  I wanted to take my time in the thought stage, but it gets to a point where you can only think about something for so long, and then it has to come out.  Seriously.  If you've noticed, I haven't written much, and I think not being able to write (which usually isn't an issue for me) is having to do with this particular subject.

Most people would LOVE to have the problem that I do.  Really.  That being said, What is a problem, anyway?  Basically, it is an issue or concern that causes someone stress, heartache, worry, fear, etc.  I have been stressing out about my weight since I was eight years old.  Why?  I'm tiny.  I've always been tiny.  I have no problem stating (matter of factly) that I'm 5'6" and weigh about 106lbs.  That's equivalent to about a size 0/1.  I'm not well endowed on my top half and after two kids, I've got some hips.

Again, most magazines, media, whatever you want to call them, would tout my size as "ideal" or "highly desirable".  Me?  I hate it.  I'm constantly berated by women for "conforming to a media image", I'm told to go eat a sandwich, or that I must workout to a ridiculous excess.  I've been getting this since THIRD GRADE.  No little girl should be ashamed of her chicken legs, and NO little girl should be asked if they are anorexic.  I'm embarrassed to take my kids to a pool because of the looks that I get (in my very modest suit).

Quite frankly, it sucks just as badly for me to find clothes that fit properly.  The only things that fit my waist are Juniors bottoms, which don't account for hips.  Things that fit both waist and hip are usually in the women's petite section, however, when you need at least a 30 to 32" inseam, that doesn't necessarily work either.  Tops, same deal.  I'm a mom.  Granted, yes, I'm a younger mom, but that doesn't mean that I want to walk around dressing like a whore because that is what fits me.  I buy size M tops, because they fit decently, without being too short and showing off the underwear you can see over the tops of my jeans, because they're the only ones that fit my hips - the ultralow rise version.  Half the time, I make my own clothes, because then I can customize them to fit me.  I learned how to sew young, specifically for that reason.

I don't understand what being a "real woman" constitutes.  I'm educated, have worked both outside and as a SAHM, I have two kids, bills, computer skills, a small (very small) site where I retail knit goods, I cook, I love comics and dorky things like Sci-Fi... does this make me "fake" or "pretend"?  I thought fake people were the ones that were nice to your face and then turned around and were jerks behind your back.  I understand that certain industries have made an example of my body type.  I get it, I do.  Really.  However, I don't look at anyone in a negative way because of their body type.  I don't look at someone who is "curvy" as less (or more) of a person than someone who is tiny.  It goes both ways.  You respect me and I respect you.  I don't care if you are overweight and eat a Big Mac and a Diet Coke, I might worry about your heart health, but it doesn't make you a bad person to me.  Don't look at me like I don't eat if I order a salad... I usually crave it when I'm dehydrated.  Doesn't mean that tomorrow I'm not going to be downing the quarter pounder.

I eat.  I eat a lot.  Pizza, cake, candy, salad, fish, steak, burgers, chicken, veggies, rice... I like soda, coffee, and tea.  My downfall is that I don't drink enough water.  If you want to get on me about something, remind me to go have a glass, not a sandwich.  We as women, need to get off this trip.  Seriously.  I hate feeling bad about my body, everyone does.  I would LOVE to just be able to go to the store and buy a pair of pants.  In the first store, not the 16th.  We need to remember everyone is designed differently, whether you believe that you were created that way, or if you are a staunch geneticist.  As long as you are healthy... it really shouldn't matter.  We all care about what people think, it's called being self-aware.  It doesn't mean that we all need to be negative to each other... especially those that consider themselves adults.

Alright.  That's my piece.  Tomorrow I go back to crafty writing!  (I hope... there may be something else pent up in there... :))